In defense of day drinking

I’m a huge fan of having a beer, or a glass of wine, or a shot of whiskey at three in the afternoon.  Need that 2:30pm cup of coffee to get you through the rest of the afternoon? I highly recommend adding a shot of Jameson’s.

I used to have my beer or glass of wine with dinner, or while watching tv after dinner.  But then, if I wanted to go somewhere after dinner? Up to the grocery store to pick some things up, or a joyous Target run, or going out to a friends house after dinner?  hey, I’ve been drinking, so those car keys are off limits! Guess I’ll spend another evening in.  #sadface

that’s the genius behind day drinking.  Have a drink (or two) in the afternoon, and you’re sobered up by dinnertime.  You can drive safely, use super sharp knives in the kitchen safely, entertain the inlaws without slurring your words, do whatever you want, because you’ve already sobered up, yet you still have that happy warm memory of a recent buzz.

Life your life on your own schedule.   If you typically get 8 hours of sleep and have 1 drink a day,  that doesn’t mean you have to sleep for 8 hours in a row or sleep when everyone else is sleeping or wait until dinnertime or cocktail hour to have your drink.



secret language

do you have a secret language with anyone? Your significant other, your best friend, your kid, your dad? a secret language that is all in-jokes and movies lines and things only that person understands?

My husband and I have a secret language full of movie quotes, science fiction references, video game references, and other injokes. I don’t know if we could go 24 hours without one of these references. Shit, I don’t know if we could go 12 hours.

And I feel like it strengthens our relationship to have so many private in-jokes. A term we were throwing around earlier today was “peach cookie”. It’s a reference to a low level health power up in a video game we both played years ago, and I say it in a particular tone of voice that imitates a character from an online flash cartoon called “Radiskull and Devil Doll” from back when flash was a brand new thing and google barely existed. In our private language, “peach cookie” means something is fun and will help you feel better either physically or emotionally, along with the emotional connection of “I have been with you since we saw this flash cartoon and since we played this video game, and I have happy memories of experiencing those things with you”. I can communicate all of that by just saying “peach cookie” in a particular tone of voice.

My husband loves the movie Buckaroo Banzai. I’m just lukewarm on it. We do the call and response of “what’s the watermelon for”, “I’ll tell you later”. That call and response means I have a special and very strong bond with you and every time we use this phrase or anything from our secret language that bond gets stronger.

I hope everyone reading this has a secret language with someone. A language full of in-jokes and references, and little ways you tell that person how strong your bond is with them, and that every day it gets stronger.

no, that is not ok.

As part of my job, I am often working in grocery stories. I don’t work for the grocery store company, but I take my work materials in, do my thing, and when I’m done I take my materials back to my car.

The other day, I was training some new people in a grocery store, and because I was training people, I had more than the usual amount of stuff with me. When I was done and taking my materials back out to my car, I had nearly a full shopping cart of assorted work stuff.

Allow me to set the scene. It’s January. about 15 degrees outside. and windy. I push the shopping cart to my car, open the trunk, and am putting boxes and cardboard and bins and other things in my car as fast as I can. It is freakin’ cold outside, it’s been a long day already, and I’m in a rush to get to my next appointment.

A middle aged man walks by and says “You sure got a lot of stuff”.
“Yep,” I say.
he just stands there, as I am putting the stuff in my car.
“I’m gonna call you little red riding hood. That ok with you?” he says.
“no, it is not ok”. I reply.

From the look on his face, I am assuming no one had ever said “no” to him. It took a minute or two for him to get his composure back, which I’ll admit was a bit entertaining. He said a few other things to me, but I confess I couldn’t hear him very well because it was quite windy, I had a scarf over my face and ears, and in a windy environment the quality of my hearing goes practically to zero.

to all the men out there who feel they are entitled to my attention, to all the men whose goal in conversation is to get me to smile for you, or get me to tell you my name, or have a drink with me, because you feel you are entitled to my attention, here is a tactic that might actually work for you:

“It’s very cold out here and you seem to have a lot of stuff, may I help you put it in your car?”

because that will get me to smile. You are doing something FOR me, instead of TO me. You are doing something that helps ME instead of helping YOU.

Because I am not looking for some random guy to give me a nickname that I haven’t heard a million times. I am not interested in a random guy telling me my hair is pretty, or asking me if it’s true about how wild redheads are in bed, or any of that shit. My award winning resting bitch face was born from that kind of shit.

To any man who feels like they are entitled to any woman’s attention, you know what would be nice? offering to help her put her stuff in her car when it is 15 degrees outside and she has her hands full. No guarantee that I will take you up on your offer, because maybe I don’t want your help and also I’m not obligated to say yes if you offer assistance. But being selfless instead of selfish would go a long way in thawing my resting bitch face. Might even get me to smile.

They aren’t on my sleeve

I don’t smile a lot (yay RBF!). My body language is subdued. I am a very subtle and rather private person.

I’m often accused of being unemotional.

I’m very emotional. I just don’t wear it on my sleeve.

This is how I recently explained it to someone.

Imagine pipes going way down deep into the earth, like down to where there is volcano heat. All that heat is coming up the pipes, and moving all the air around, and by the time the hot air gets to the top it’s full of glitter and movement and thought and thunder and lightening and everything that was ever everything and it’s all over the place and in every color and it sparkles.

The pipes open up above ground into a giant beautiful crystal greenhouse. And the light and sparkles and lightening in all the colors of everything bustles around the greenhouse and rattles the windows and is nearly breaking the glass every second.

My emotions aren’t on my sleeve. They fill a greenhouse the size of my imagination and they come from the depths of me.

The most important question ever asked about the tv show LOST

yeah, yeah, I’m ten years late to the LOST party.  I started watching LOST on Netflix about a year ago, and am LOVING it.  I just started the 5th season which means that 1) I’m on the home stretch and 2) what the hell is going on?  Also, please no spoilers in the comments, thank you.

If you’re also asking what the hell is going on, Lost was a famous TV show that came out about 10 years.  Thanks to lots of cliffhanger endings and lots of soap opera style twists and turns, viewers went absolutely crazy for this TV show. and it’s as fun show!   The story follows the survivors of a plane crash. They are on a deserted island and hunt boar and make tents to survive.  Then they find out the island isn’t exactly deserted. Then all sorts of weird crazy shit happens.

by the middle of season four, they’ve been on the island about 2 or 3 months. I think someone says they’ve been on the island like 65 days or 80 days or something?

Here is what is possibly the most important question ever asked about the TV show LOST:

what are the women doing for tampons and pads?

ok sure, the first few weeks before they figure out the food situation, they are probably on a starvation diet and that can screw with menstruation. But then they get the food situation figured out, and one woman even manages to get pregnant.  Everyone is eating enough calories that they aren’t worried about stuff, in general.

so . . . .  what the ladies doing for tampons and pads?

Seriously, I want to know!

My 5-hour energy is butter coffee

My 5-hr Energy is butter coffee.  The “fancy” butter coffee is BulletProof Coffee (Google that for more, and boy is there plenty), but I make super basic butter coffee and get some darn good results.

What’s so special about butter coffee?

All it is is black coffee and butter.  the fat in the butter fills you up like you wouldn’t believe, and there is some chemical reaction between the fat and the caffeine that means the caffeine is released a little slower so you get a longer sustained caffeine buzz rather than a rush and then a crash.  Because there is no sugar and no carbs, you feel full and your blood sugar levels don’t do weird things.  Those energy drinks that promise to keep you full for 4-5 hours?  This stuff actually does it, and you can pronounce all the ingredients.

What does it taste like?

It doesn’t taste like butter.  It tastes like a Latte from starbucks, but a little less sweet.

How do I make it?

If you follow the bulletproof coffee people, you might think you need some fancy gadget or blender.  Nope.  you’ll need:

hot black coffee, brewed in whatever coffee maker you have

1/2 to 1 tbsp of unsalted butter

a mason jar (you know, those hipster things that are so popular right now? I bet your Mom has a ton in her basement)

brew up your coffee. do not add any sugar or cream. While your coffee is brewing, fill the mason jar half way up with water and put it in the microwave for 1 minute.  after a minute, leave the hot water sitting in the jar.  This is to heat your jar up, and keep your coffee hotter longer (I like my coffee super hot, and the process of making butter coffee cools it down really fast).  When your coffee is done,  dump the water out of the jar,  put in the pat of butter, and then pour coffee over the butter, filling the jar no more than 2/3 full.  Now put that lid on tight and shake shake shake your heart out for about 60 seconds. If the jar is too hot to the touch, put on some oven mitts. The butter will melt, your coffee will get all frothy, and it’ll make a really cool noise.  I drink it right out of the mason jar because I don’t want to dirty another mug.  Because you just filled hot coffee with air and cold  butter, your coffee is going to get cold fast. Be aware.

Any downsides to butter coffee?

eh, sort of but not really? First of all, good quality butter is NOT cheap.   I don’t have butter coffee every day, not even every other day, and wow I’m going through butter fast!

Also, you just put more fat and protein into your body faster than you are probably used to.  Remember your Mom telling you to make sure you get enough fiber?  Yeah, keep that phrase in mind.  If you’ve ever done a high protein super low carb diet, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Great Reasons to shop Consignment

I love shopping consignment stores.  Everything from Good Will to upscale consignment to the clothing racks at Vintage and antiques shops, those are my favorite places to buy clothing, purses, wallets, belts, accessories, and even kitchen pans.  I probably brag too much about shopping consignment and used clothing stores.

Here are some great reasons to join me at the consignment store:

  1. It’s less stressful.  I don’t know about you, but I find the mall really stressful. If I find a blouse I like, of course they have it in every size but the one I need. I end up digging through racks and racks of pants in an attempt to find my size.  Sales aren’t really sales,  store staff seems more interested in selling me a credit card than helping me find clothes I’ll be happy with, and the list goes on.  None of this occurs at Consignment shops. You want a blouse in size M? There’s the rack of all the Ms we have.  You need pants in size 12? There’s the rack of every single size 12 in the shop.
  2. Your dollar goes further (duh!).  I tend to shop for particular brands at consignment shops: Banana Republic, Gap, White House Black Market, Chico’s, Talbots.  No need to wait for a clearance sale,  those Banana Republic slacks are $8,  that White House Black Market sweater is $10.  I’ve got an overflowing work wardrobe because my dollar goes a lot further at the resale shop. More money left in your pocket means you have more options to spend that money on other things.
  3. Your dollar can go to a good cause.  Some resale shops are charity shops. Your dollars go to American Cancer Society, or a local organization that helps people in need, or a local religious  organization that helps people.  There is a store near me called The Discovery Shop, and all their profits go towards Cancer research.  I buy cool stuff there and I feel good about it.
  4. You’ll find some amazing statement pieces.  Ready for a treasure hunt for that one of a kind purse, accessory, dress, or anything else?  Explore your local antique shops and resale shops that specialize in Vintage clothing.  This WILL be a treasure hunt. You’ll have shopping trips where you come home empty handed.  But you will find gold too. a number of years go I got a Kate Spade handbag for $6.  I’ve never in my life received so many compliments on a purse of all things!  At an antique shop I fell in love with a military style wool winter coat.  It’s a statement piece and a conversation starter. Once you meet me in that coat you will never forget me.
  5. It’s a great way to meet business owners in your neighborhood.  If the resale shop isn’t connected with a charity, chances are it is owned and managed by someone who lives nearby.  If you’re looking to build a network locally, chatting with owners and managers at resale shops is a great way to start. You are spending money at their business, so they already like you,  if the shop isn’t busy, start a conversation. How long have they had their business? What’s their favorite part about having their own shop?


For those of you who have already discovered the awesomeness that is consignment and resale shopping,  what’s the best thing you ever bought consignment/resale?  Do you have a favorite resale store?