So, I’m a HUGE fan of the Alien movie franchise. I can not believe my Dad let me watch the original when I was like 10 years old. How did I ever sleep again? Anyway, it was love at first xenomorph, and I’ve been a fan of the franchise and of H.R. Giger ever since.
I don’t care how stupid Alien:Resurrection is, it is one of the funnest action-y horror movies in the world, and if you say it sucks I will punch you in the face, and then I will make you sit next to me while I watch it and every 5 seconds I’ll say “isn’t this movie wonderful? I love this movie so much!”. (Actually, I’m kinda afraid to watch Resurrection again, because what it if actually does suck?)
A handful of years ago we got Prometheus. I had high hopes. I nearly walked out of the movie theater because that movie was so bad. Like the 2nd Chris Pine Star Trek movie, it basically wrecked the Franchise (do not get met started on Star Trek. Do. Not.). Prometheus had one thing going for it: Michael Fassbender.
If I have an ideal man, Fassbender is he. tall, toned, intense, confidence, a smile that with the tinest incremental change can go from sincerely happy to sneaky to looking like he’s thinking something dirty. Prometheus was all about the Fass playing an android who uncanny valleys all over the place. Yes I am all about the Fass.
Anyway, a review of Alien: Covenant on Slate.com included this beautiful Fass filled paragraph:
There’s only one character Covenant is interested in, and that’s Fassbender’s David, who has spent the 10 years since Prometheus growing out his blond locks and working on the best way to emerge out of the darkness while wearing a hooded cape. Like Walter, his double, David is a human creation, but he’s a little too human. The relationship between these two Fassbenders is at the heart of Alien: Covenant, and it’s one of the few things that really entertain on a level beyond the technical. Prometheus was nigh on a visual masterpiece, especially in 3-D, but it was hollow at its core. Covenant is a more by-the-numbers exercise in giving the people what they want, right down to a climax that feels like it’s cobbled together from the ends of Alien and Aliens, but at least it’s got some tender Fassbender-on-Fassbender action, including a scene where David teaches Walter to play a primitive flute and offers, “I’ll do the fingering.”
omg, where do I buy tickets for this movie.